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Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire

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[01 May 2009|11:26pm]
we all knew this one was coming.
ariel is it time for livejournal yet?
i have to pee.
i hate the law library.
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[14 Nov 2008|02:57am]
i am not sure that the time to make my livejournal re dubet is fucking when im still a little drunk. but to be honest when else will i do it. who reads this? and why? livejournal...its dumb man. really dumb. you know whats not dumb? sleep. yeah. lets do that. hi live journal poeple. goodnight livejournal people.

a pan a plan canal panama. some thing like that. mom. dad. boob. poop. kayak. racecar. sit on a potato pan otis. i am a lasagna hog, go hang a salami. you know the drill.

cheese dooodels to all.
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[27 Oct 2008|06:44pm]
are we really using livejournal again?
bitch please
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150 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts - ok this is actually hilarious. [12 Sep 2007|10:59pm]
1. I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colors indicate that they are "covered in bees".

2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class

3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology".

4. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

5. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch's office is not appropriote.

6. I will not go to class skyclad.

7. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

8. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore".

9. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".

10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not.

11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm.

12. House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

13. Staring a betting pool on the fate of this years DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

14. I will not start every potions class by asking Professor Snape if today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.

15. "Liften Separatis Crotchum" is not a real spell.

16. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life.

17. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".

18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as"bookends" .

19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends".

20. I will not call the DADA teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

21. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.

22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts.

23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

24. I will not place anything by Silver Ravenwolf on the library shelves.

25. Tricking the school house elf into stripping does not mean they are now mine even if I yell "Pwned!"

26. I will not be a sloth Animagus.

27. I will not be a tribble Aimagus.

28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or a piranha.

29. I do not weigh the same as a duck.

30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

31. I do not have a Dalek Patronus.

32. I will not lick Trevor.

33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

34. The Ravenclaws are not "Mentals in training".

35. Any resemblance between Dementors and the Nazgul is coincidental.

36. I will not change the password to the prefect's bath to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty".

37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.

38. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be adressed as "Admiral Naismith".

39. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" is only funny the first time.

40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.

41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.

42. "42" is not the answer to every question to the O.W.L.'s.

43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.

44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.

45. I will not offer to prepare tandori owl.

46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine".

47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

48. I will not teach the first-years to sing "A Wizard's Staff Has A Knob On The End".

49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.

50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

51. I will not go to meals dressed as Choda Boy.

52. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp.

53. I will not draw an "H" on Percy Weasley's forehead.

54. My name is not Captain Subtext.

55. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients and I will not resell their products as "Veela Pheremones".

56. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as a "Big Black Sex Auror".

57. I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion.

58. Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.

59. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor.

60. I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.

61. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the result would be.

62. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled "Firewhiskey" .

63. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes.

64. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

65. A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.

66. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape's personal postbox.

67. I will stop referring to Hufflepuff's as "cannon fodder".

68. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

69. First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.

70. Novelty or holiday themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.

71. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot.

72. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout "There can be only ONE!".

73. I should not refer to DADA professors as "canaries in the coal mine".

74. I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life." to Lord Voldemort.

75. I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.

76.There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth house at Hogwarts. And
I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

77. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "The Force".

78. Albus Dumbledore's proper title is "Headmaster" , not "My Liege".

79. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.

80. I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.

81. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.

82. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling "It Does DEATH!!!" may be correct but it is not the manner in which one should answer.

83. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.

84. I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.

85. Ravenclaw's do not find a sign saying "The library is closed for and indefinite time period" amusing in any sense.

86. I will not attempt to recreate the Key to Time in Transfiguration class.

87. A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars.

88. I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors.

89. I will not charm Hermione's time turner to rotate every half-hour.

90. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am
to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

91. I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos".

92. When being interrogated by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce "These are not the droids you are looking for".

93. I am not a member of the Spanish Inquisition.

94. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.

95. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

96. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens.

97. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts: A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.

98. "OMGWTF" is not a spell.

99. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

100. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

101. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.

102. I will not cast the occasional Oblivate spell on Dumbledore, even if it would be amusing.

103. I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors Pixie Stix.

104. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive.

105. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals.

106. I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.

107. I will not sing The Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.

108. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

109. I will not douse Harry Potter's Invisibility Cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible wearing it and standing near the fire in the common room.

110. I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration spell.

111. I will not yell "Believe it... or not!" after any of Dumbledore's speeches.

112. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit.

113. My name is not "The Dark Lord Happy-Pants" and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.

114. There is no such thing as the Chamber of Double Secret Probation.

115. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps.

116. I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.

117. Voldemort is not Ganandorf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.

118. I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy exams.

119. I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas feast.

120. I will not call Professor McGonagall "McGoogles".

121. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sound with my wand.

122. "Draco Malfoy Takes it Up The Arse" is not an acceptable Quidditch chant.

123. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.

124. I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT! shirt to school.

125. I am not allowed to reenact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor.

126. I am not allowed to declare and official Hug A Slytherin Day.

127. I am not allowed to introduce myself to the first years as Tim the Enchanter.

128. I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance into any classroom.

129. I will not try and start Naked Thursdays in the Common Room.

130. It is not necessary for me to yell "BAMF!" every time I Apparate.

131. I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

132. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

133. I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes".

134. I will not teach the first years to play "The Penis Game" in the Great Hall during dinner.

135. I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue.

136. I will not organize a Hogwarts Fight Club.

137. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.

138. I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.

139. I will not dress up in a Dementor suit and use a Dustbuster on Harry's lips to get him to do what I want.

140. I will not start food fights in the Great Hall.

141. I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

142. "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriote career choice.

143. I will not sing "We're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

144. The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.

145. It is not necessary to yell "Burn!" everytime Snape takes points from Gryffindor.

146. "Y'all check this-here shit out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell.

147. I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout "I have the power!"

148. I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.

149. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni" from various directions.

150. Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do the Time Warp will not earn me any house points.
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[13 Feb 2007|04:19pm]
There is a restaurant in New York where Ninjas wait on you! How nifty is that?

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[11 Jan 2007|09:04pm]
If I fail at life it will be because of this game,


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[02 Jan 2007|12:37am]
I want it to say 2007 on my archive.

and now it does.
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[20 Dec 2006|06:52pm]
I got a new Ipod.

I named it Phyllis.
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[02 Jul 2006|05:57pm]
This afternoon I was peacefully doing my Paint by Number in front of the Next marathon on TV when I thought to myself “What is going to happen if I paint this shape color number 6 when it says to paint it 5?” And I, being the extreme risk taker that I am, did it. Never have I ever felt braver. And I think it made my Paint by Number of a guy on a motorcycle all the more beautiful.
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[12 Jun 2006|04:39pm]
If only there was giant snake monster in the bathroom so they would cancel finals like in Harry Potter 2......
7 comments|post comment

[07 Jun 2006|07:47pm]
Anyone who can tell me what is special about this phrase wins something shiny

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[02 May 2006|09:04pm]
Today I went to a BBG council meeting

I rediscovered one of my favorite forms of self mutilation which is stabbing my eyeball with my finger (gently)

The quote, although it kept being interrupted by bursts of A*teens songs changed to have BBGish lyrics, of the night was “Would it be at all possible for you to run me over with your Jeep Laredo?”

Other then this my day was chipper per usual
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[12 Apr 2006|03:27pm]
This is the story of Passover I wrote last year: but I re wrote some cause I was pretty much a grammatical idiot last year…pretty much

WRITTEN BY GOD (and other supreme beings too)

So one day this guy named Moses, was like chillen in pharaohs castle when he realized

“Dayem!! He’s a Jew!”

So he was all like “shit my home-dogs are slaves. What should I do!? Oh I know ill poke my big ole stick into the ground!”

And wowza! it worked! And then were all these frogs on pharaohs head and god maybe killed his first born son. I don’t really know the details

And then Moses was all LET MY PEOPLE GO!

And Pharaoh was all like NO!

And Moses was like YES!

And Pharaoh was all like FINE GO!

So they left.

But they didn’t have time to cook bread so they were all like fine we will just have to eat this stale crunchy bread which tastes worse the the box it is in called matzah!

SO then Moses was all like “

“Yeah follow me I know what I’m doing…. kinda..... aww shiat a big ole lake”.

“Well that whole stick thing worked last time letsss try it again!”

Then the sea split and the little Jews ran all the way home

See you for our next biblical discussion entitled The Jews Were Stuck in the Desert for a Really Long Time
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[20 Jun 2005|10:23am]
Entrie lj is friends only from now on......sorry guys
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[30 Jul 2004|11:19pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

Fill this out only if ur super super bored!

-Be Opinionated-
Am I cute?
Am I sweet?
Am I crazy?
Am I loveable?
Am I funny?
Am I annoying?
Am I pretty?
Am I daring?
Am I a good person?

-Would You-
Hug me?
Miss me if I was gone?
Listen to my problems?
Hug me if I cried?
Be a good friend to me?

-Would You-
Ever go out with me?
Kiss me?
If you already have would you do it again?
Marry me if you could?
Have babies with me?

-How Well Do You Know Me?-((Note: no peeking at my info, profile, or anything, bia.))
When is my birthday?
How old am I?
What school do I go to?
Do i have any siblings?
Who are a few of my ex boyfriends?
Who is my best friend?
Who am i dating?
Favorite color?
Eye color?
Favorite band?
What is my best subject?
Favorite animal?
Favorite sport?
Favorite tv show?
Favorite song/songs?
Favorite thing to do?

-Who Am I-
What TV star do I most remind you of?
What song would you dedicate to me?
What famous person do I most resemble??

-If You Could..-
Give me a new name it would be?
Hook me up with someone who would it be?
Do one thing with me it would be?
Drop me one piece of advice it would be?

-Just A Few Questions-
What do you love about me?
What do you hate about me?
What is my best quality??
If you could change one thing about me it would be??
What is your honest opinion about me?
Name as many memories as you can that we share.
Do you love me?
If so, how much?

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